New Blog

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End of a Chapter, the Start of New Beginnings?

I can't believe this school year is already coming to a close. It surely does not feel like it has been eight months. So, I've been contemplating whether or not I should start a new blog.. it seemed appropriate that should I as I've been wanting to start a new one for a while anyway. This blog was started right after my first year in the summer as well. So why not start a new blog if I want to? Well, being me, I'm a little sensitive to change. This reluctance of mine is quite pervasive as it translates into almost all aspects of my life.

So, what makes me reluctant to start a new blog? (I swear this post has a real message that isn't just about my indecisiveness to switch over to a new blog...) First, all my old posts are on this one. This blog has a history. A short history, mind you, but  a history nonetheless. Some of these posts mark historic events in my life! 

Second, new formatting. I'll have to start everything from scratch, which will be exciting in that I can exercise those creative, artistic juices that are longing to flow once again. But it's a pain sometimes, ya know?

Third, I'm nostalgic. I have come to terms with the fact that I am a dweller. It's hard to accept the need to just let go. Though I think all can relate to this to some degree, agreed?

Furthermore, the same things can somewhat apply to my reluctance to move to my new place here in Kingston. As mentioned earlier, this school year has not felt like eight months in the slightest. That being said, I feel like I had just gotten settled in this lovely home on Nelson. Many things have happened this year, and I've always come home to this house, these people, this room.

Like a new blog, a new house will require: formatting. New environment, new room, new housemates. It'll be a great new experience with great new people. I'll have a nice time decorating my new room. But it's a new adjustment. It's hard to let go of the old and adjust to the new. 

In many other ways am I so reluctant to change. Or afraid of change, rather. And in ways that run much deeper than just starting a new blog or adjusting to a new place of refuge for the completion of my undergrad. A lot of the time, the focus isn't just on how much of a nuisance change can be. It's about being strong enough to let go, to dive into the unknown and, sometimes inevitably, to fail. But inversely, failing elicits discoveries, and discoveries elicit endless possibilities. 

So as I return home to Ottawa for the summer, I hope to be greeted by change; to return to a new start with a new perspective on things that will bring forth failures that bear discoveries. I hope to experience new people with different stories. I hope to find change for the better.

Just some food for thought as I continue to study for exams; good luck to those of you who are in the midst of exams as well!

Love always,

SL.

Resent

You've never seen this side of me

You'll never see these scars

I'll have you wondering endlessly

Until you're seeing stars

I'll say all that you want to hear

But you won't hear what I want to say

I know this isn't very clear

But I relive it everyday

Maybe it's just a distant dream

Or that's what you've made it become

You tell me it's not what it seems

But to your excuses I've grown numb

You fool yourself and you fool the rest

As if it were a breeze

All these things you have suppressed

You play it off with ease

I've kept to myself this resentment

You'll never know how I feel

You'll never know of my discontentment

Only these scars can reveal.

Pleasure For Pain

Why do I put myself in this position,

That starts off with pleasure and ends in frustration?

It's just something I do now and then,

It's something I've known time and again.

If I knew what's good I'd stay away

'Cause all that's come will soon decay.

And even though it seems so right

All odds are against me in hindsight.

To realize and act heralds wisdom

But I'm just a hypocrite with rhyme and rhythm.

'Cause I deny the truth of it all

I only wait for my detriment to befall.

This last verse is my salute to the strong,

To those who sacrifice and move along.

To follow their example would be most wise

But I'm just a fool who believes her own lies.